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My neighbor and friend Kate has an incredible "eye."
She can pull together a room or create a stunning look from the most wide ranging pieces, and somehow, it all works beautifully. Admiring her latest art find—an octopus made out of shark's teeth—I said, “I've never seen anything like this. It is so cool!”
“Well, I did start with a degree in marine biology,” she smiled. “I’ve always been fascinated by marine life.”
Sensing a story, I had to ask, "Wait, how did you go from marine biology to becoming the Chief Marketing Officer at a Fortune 500 tech company? That’s quite a leap.”
Kate laughed. “It all started with a box of shark vertebrae.”
“Okay,” I said. “You’re going to have to elaborate on that.”
She explained, "In grad school, on the first day of lab, my professor handed us a box of shark bones and said, ‘Tell me how old this shark was by examining its vertebrae.’”
Her classmates panicked.
This was thier first test with a high profile professor and they didn't want to mess it up.
"I had no clue either,” Kate admitted, “but I wasn’t afraid to ask questions—even if they seemed ‘stupid.’ I kept asking questions and, eventually, I got the answers.”
That willingness to ask "dumb" questions, to stay curious, Kate says, has been a key to her success. "I’ve found that if I don’t understand something, you can bet that other people in the room feel the same. So why not ask?”
Her curiosity and confidence in questioning led to opportunities in the tech world, where she quickly moved up the ranks, due to her ability to explain complex technical problems in simple, layman’s terms.“My career took off because I wasn’t afraid to take risks and be curious.”
Kate's story got me thinking: What if we all embraced curiosity a little more?
As a leadership consultant, I’ve built my career on asking thought-provoking questions to uncover the company's real issues behind all the surface-level symptoms. It’s curiosity that helps us gain the information and perspective necessary to solve real problems, challenge the status quo and drive meaningful change.
Studies from UC Berkeley show that curious people are happier, have stronger relationships, are more empathetic, are healthier, and achieve more than those who are indifferent or entrenched in their opinions.
In today’s world, where political division is at an all-time high and social media algorithms show us only what we already agree with, staying curious is more important than ever.
Our forefathers accomplished great things by engaging in debate and discussion—often heated. But for true resolution, innovation and advancement, we have to listen to perspectives that differ from our own.
We have to stay curious.
A friend of mine, deeply troubled by the reprehensible wave of antisemitism sweeping our country, was asked to facilitate a dialogue between Jewish and non-Jewish members of her community. “I know that if I can just get people to talk with each other, they will see that we all have more in common than they think. We all want our kids to have access to quality education. We all want to feel safe in our homes, and schools, and communities. We all want opportunities for growth, freedom and autonomy. We all want to be treated with fairness and respect, regardless of our backgrounds or beliefs.” She’s the perfect choice to facilitate these discussions because she’s empathetic, compassionate, and deeply curious about other people’s experiences.
When asked a thoughtful question, most people are delighted to answer, share their opinion and perspective.
Think about your relationships.
In moments of conflict or tension, instead of shutting down or defending your position, what if you took a breath and asked, “Can you tell me more about that?”
With one simple, curious question, you open a dialogue instead of deepening the divide.
What if we all worked a little harder to stay curious by listening and asking thoughtful questions, not to convince or defend our position, but with the intent to learn and understand?
Curiosity, it turns out, might just be the key to not only stronger relationships and happier lives, but positive changes in our communities - and our world.
Happiness Practice:
This week, when confronted with a situation that you don’t understand, or a moment of tension with another, instead of defending, arguing for your position, stay curious.
Try asking , “Can you tell me more about that?” or, "Help me understand..."
Interested in bringing Susan and Decide Happy to your organization to help your team feel more positive, calm, and strong in a crazy world?
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I love 'discovery'! I think it's fascinating to learn about other people's experiences and understand how then think about different things. But, I have to admit that I am a little disappointed that I didn't learn how to tell how old a shark is from it's vertebrae.