.png)
Set Yourself Up to Win Every Time
- susanjhall
- Jul 12
- 5 min read
Updated: Nov 3
Awhile back, I attended a weekend wellness retreat. Three days in the mountains of Pennsylvania, glorious fall foliage, a respite from my normal, hectic routine, and someone else to cook for me. Sign me up!
The second morning of the retreat, our guide Mark gave us the plan for the day. The first item on the agenda was a “Morning Power Hour.” We laced up our running shoes and trotted out to the path among the vibrant oak and maple trees. Mark instructed us to meet back here in an hour and left us with a smile and an enthusiastic directive, “Go win it!”
Immediately, I alternately grabbed each ankle and quickly stretched my legs, took a deep breath and started jogging. Several other runners sprinted past me, and I felt the pressure of their speed pulling me. I amped up my pace, keeping my eyes on the back of the head of the fastest runner.
“Come on, Susan,” a runner ahead laughed over his shoulder. “Keep up!”
Halfway into the run, I felt a sharp stitch cramp my side, forcing me to an abrupt, painful stop. “Rats!” I said out loud, frustrated at the distraction and, grimacing and doubled over, hobbled off the path to stretch and catch my breath.
As I stood there working out the kink, an unexpected sound startled me.
Could that be… laughter?
There, sauntering past me, were three retreat friends, arm in arm, walking akimbo and singing at the top of their lungs, “Here we come… walking down the street. We get the funniest looks from… everyone we meet!”
Behind them was another runner. Only she wasn’t running at all. She was standing in the middle of the path, turned backwards to face the starting line! Her face was turned up to the sky, to better savor the painterly pattern of light that the morning sun made through the canopy of treetops.
And yet another, who had stopped to talk with a man who sat on a rock and rested. They were smiling and chatting in warm companionship.
I stopped stretching for a moment, a lightbulb firing off in my brain. Our one instruction had been to “Go win it.” And my brain, trained for so many years by corporate and our get ‘er done culture, immediately jumped to:
Win = Win the Race.
Only there was no race.
The only race was the one in my head.
Now I get that, if you’re in a competitive sport, the goal is to win based on quality of execution, or speed, or score. In that case, the expectation is that every contender is there to do their best to meet that particular requirement.
But, remember, this was a wellness retreat I was attending. Not a running retreat.
I looked around.
There were a lot of other people who looked like they were having a whole lot more fun than I was. All around me people were walking, running, skipping, laughing. Many were smiling, enjoying the gorgeous fall day and each other’s company, while I stood on the sidelines, nursing my cramp.
Obviously, some of my fellow retreaters had defined “winning” very differently than I had in this instance.
For some, winning meant a competitive run to get the energy flowing.
For some, winning meant enjoying the path and the glorious day.
For others, winning was all about laughing and enjoying the journey.
There are times when we want to and need to compete or “run” at full tilt to stretch and test ourselves, to accomplish a goal.
But to step up into our real-life extraordinary lives, there are times when we need define “winning” by a different standard.
How often do we allow ourselves to get caught up in the “race,” comparing ourselves to others, feeling “less-than” if we’re not “up to speed?” If we’re not the fastest, strongest, smartest, newest, the best?
How often do we measure our own success by standards set by others? Maybe by people we don’t even know very well? Or, at all?
We can’t let others define what success means for our own life.
We have to decide that for ourselves.
How do you define success?
Is it the amount of income you earn?
The type of house you live in, or the make of car you drive?
The number of “likes,” comments, or connections on social media?
Does success mean that you’ve reached a certain level of professional achievement?
Stepping up to challenge?
Accomplishing something you set out to do?
Raising kind, strong-hearted children?
Living your life according to your values?
Having great friendships and relationships?
Making an impact?
Analytics company Gallup, in their annual Success Index study, reports some pretty fascinating findings about our perceptions of success. Surprisingly, there is a significant gap between what people think others care about and what they, themselves, actually care about personally. Most of those surveyed believe everyone else around them wants money, status, and power. Yet what they personally want is “stronger relationships, a better character, and to be a part of something larger than themselves — a sense of community.”
When I decided to write my first book, Decide Happy: Less Stress. More Joy., that mean voice in my head, the Inner Critic, kicked into turbo gear.
“Who are you to think you can write a book? And on happiness of all things!”
“You’re not a doctor.”
“Or a therapist.”
“Or an academic researcher.”
“You’ve never even written a book before."
“Where would you even begin?”
I felt overwhelmed and just a little bit terrified.
But I knew, deep to my core, that I had a responsibility to write.
I knew that my gifts — helping busy people take simple steps to move forward, sharing relatable “real-world” stories and examples — all combined with battle-tested life lessons and a propensity for NTMTS (Not Taking Myself Too Seriously), prepared me for the awesome and breathtaking opportunity to actually help another human being on their own journey in life.
So, I sat down with my journal and asked myself this question:
What will make writing this book successful for me?
The answer came immediately:
I am having a blast and making a positive difference in the lives of others.
I sat back and read that sentence again to test it and make sure it rang true.
It did.
Well, when I define “success” that way, it’s kind of hard to fail, isn’t it?
Define Success so that You Cannot Lose
We all have our own, very personal definitions of success. But often we don’t take the time to reflect and clarify what will make some endeavor truly successful for us. The key here is gaining clarity on what success means for you in any situation.
What will make something feel "successful" for you?
Happiness Practice
1. Think of a goal you have, or an endeavor or stretch that you’re considering, or working on currently?
2. What will make this endeavor successful for you — on your own terms? What’s the feeling you want from achieving the thing you want?
If this resonated with you, share this with a friend who is starting something new or being too hard on themselves.
*Real-Life Extraordinary:
Creating a Life That Lights You UP
👉 Click here to read the First Chapter for Free!
Interested in help your team feel more positive, calm, and strong in a crazy world?
Bring Susan and Decide Happy to your organization.
Ok, so I admit to being an automatic proof reader. So, the word "to" is missing in a short paragraph which says need decide instead of need to decide. This first chapter is great as was Decide Happy. Very proud of you and your hard work. Looking forward to the party!
Love, Norma