Are You A Worrier? Try this Simple Tip to Limit It

I am a recovering worrywart. 

My brain has always been excellent at spinning out all kinds of scenarios that haven’t even happened yet. Seriously, some of the creative things my brain’s writers come up with are downright impressive, especially considering how super-sonic fast they can crank out one wild and wooly “What if?” after another. 

But I’m getting better at keeping worry in check.

Worry is inevitable. But that doesn’t mean we have to let it hijack the wheel and steer us straight towards a cliff.

There are several tools I use when it comes to managing worry, such as taking Fast Action, and focusing on what I can control, not on what I can’t. 

Here’s another practice that may seem a little strange, but is actually quite effective for managing Big Worry:

Put a Time Limit On It

When I was first diagnosed with Chordoma, my creative brain spun out terrifying scenarios 24/7, relentlessly looping them over and over. My brain was running roughshod over my life.

As much as I wanted to stuff all those frightening thoughts in a box, seal it with duct tape and hide it waaaay in the back of the highest shelf of my basement closet, realistically – I couldn’t not think about this. This was Big Scary Stuff after all, and demanded my attention.

But I didn’t want to let those dark thoughts consume me either.

So, I thought, what if I allowed myself free rein to just go “there” … but limited the time?

I decided I was going to allocate 10 minutes to freak out at the top of each hour.

Allowing a sixth of my life to stress out felt more than generous — and a notable improvement over the amount of time I was actually spending stressing out.

This meant that at 1:00 PM, I could let my thoughts hop on and ride the craziest train they wanted to. But if it was 1:14? Then I had missed that window and would have to wait until the next worry window at 2:00 PM.

Here’s how this works:

1. Decide on a specific amount of Worry Time.

2. Now- set a worry timer. (This is important.) How much time do you want to worry? Maybe it's 5 minutes, or 10 , or 2.  Let your thoughts spin. Really. Let those thoughts just run wild.

3. When the timer goes off, immediately stand up, move, and shift your focus to something positive.

The trick is to know in advance what that positive focus will be. When my timer went off, I’d very intentionally shift my focus by asking:

• What am I grateful for?

• Who do I love, and who loves me?

• Is there some small action I can take right now to address this worry?

• What is something I can do right now that brings me joy?

3. Do not allow your thoughts to go there when it’s not time.

Oh, those worry thoughts are persistent little buggers! They are so cunning and stealthy that they will sneak up on you without you realizing it and, suddenly, you are sitting right next to each other, riding that chaos coaster together. When you catch those thoughts, sternly tell them: Nope. Not now. I’ll meet you here at 2:00 on the dot. Right now, this is my time to do or think about… (insert cool thing.) 

This is not easy.

It’s like building a muscle — it takes practice. Keep working at it. The more you practice switching those heavy thoughts off and refocusing more positively, the stronger your mental muscle becomes, the more skilled you become at switching gears. 

An Epiphany 

When I did this for a few days, do you know what I discovered?

I realized that I didn’t actually want to spend ten whole minutes at a time worrying uncontrollably about cancer.

Bleh.

Most of the time, a few minutes was more than enough. After that, it got kind of tedious and boring and obviously fruitless, as spiraling over negative thoughts generally is. I found my mind wandered to other things. So, I decreased my allotted Worry Time to 7, then 5, then 2 minutes, then a passing thought. And I started skipping some of the worry windows all together. I knew I had another worry window scheduled if I needed it.

This little time-cap trick works in all kinds of situations.

Fast-forward to the other day.

I was heads down at my computer for hours, ignoring the crick in my neck to make progress on a few project deadlines. Tim popped his head in my office and said, “First, your posture sucks. And second, the sun is actually out. We should go for a walk.”

I couldn't argue.

We bundled up, opened the front door, and looked out into Oz — all technicolor blue sky and sunshine glistening against the white snowbanks. I inhaled the crisp winter air and breathed out tension I didn’t even know I was holding.

As we walked, Tim shared some highlights of his morning, then turned the subject to The News. As we passed by trees and chattering birds, he proceeded to fill me in on the day’s headlines. Immediately, I felt the tension tighten again in my shoulders and neck again.

I stopped and turned to him. “Okay, we both really need this walk break,” I said. I pointed towards the top of the hill. “We have until the third mailbox on the left to talk about the news. Then we are going to talk about something fun — like where we’re going on our next adventure. Or what you’re making me for dinner tonight.”

While I didn’t set my alarm, it was the same principle. Put a time limit on it. When that limit is reached, refocus your thoughts on something more positive. Or, even better, do something positive.

This practice works because you’re not suppressing your negative emotions. You're allowing them- but putting up boundaries.

By putting a conscious and intentional time limit on the thoughts that are sucking the joy out of your day, you prevent them from draining the energy you need to experience the cool stuff in life. 

One of my art-lady friends plays Mahjong with a group of friends every month. “At my age,” she told me, “we all tend to have health issues. But who wants to listen to people complain about their aches and pains all day? It’s so boring! So we have a rule.” She continued, “You’re allowed to complain about one joint. And for no more than five minutes. After that, we cut you off.”

Brilliant.

If we are lucky enough to love enough people and be fully engaged in our life, worry is inevitable. And there is no shortage of worry-material to work with in life, is there? 

The goal isn’t to pretend life is all sunshine. The goal is to remember that there is always blue sky above the clouds, just waiting there for you to enjoy, whenever that timer says “enough” and you choose to see it again. 

Stay Strong. Stay Kind.

With so much love,

Susan 

For more tips on how to manage fear and worry,

👉click here for an excerpt from Real-Life Extraordinary. 

Decide Happy Practice

1. What kinds of “what if” scenarios does your brain spin out over most often?

   
   

2. How much of your time are you spending worrying about this? 

3. How much time do you want to spend worrying about this? 

   • What would feel generous—but still manageable? Once an hour? Twice a day?

4. Try setting a timer for “Worry Time.” When your worry timer goes off, what positive focus could you shift to immediately?

   • Gratitude? Fun plans? Loved ones? A small victory from your day? 

   • Is there a small action you can take to make progress on that worry-thing? Can you stand up and shift your focus by doing something you enjoy?

   
   

So this was cool! 😎

Business Insider wrote a lovely article about me and Real-Life Extraordinary.

Click here to read it!

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